Title: this is what i think about when i think about you
Summary: A chronological look at Heechul and Gunhee's relationship through the sappiest Ani Difranco songs there are.
Note: 2hee fucked me up. ani's evolve album fucked me up but this has nothing to do with that except for the title which is from her song Oh My My from evolve but anyway i love 2hee and i love ani difranco so here
Also I included links to youtube videos of the songs, they will open in another window if you want to listen while reading but don't feel obligated to. They are just there if you are interested.
I have only just met
an old old friend
we’ve been walking around holding hands
I hope some day he can bend
as far as it takes to understand
and risk breaking open again
“You seem different from before,” Gunhee notes as he and Heechul talk backstage after the recording.
“Like you're the same from high school,” Heechul gripes. He can hear his manager's foot tapping outside the door impatiently, but he continues to spin around in the stylist chair like he has nowhere to be.
“Not that kind of different, more like,” Gunhee stops and runs a hand through his hair. He knows what he wants to say, but doesn't think he should say it.
“Like what?” Heechul stops spinning and looks at Gunhee.
Gunhee turns away from Heechul and starts putting away his supplies. “Scared,” he finally says when his back is turned.
Silence stretches between them. Gunhee wants to turn around and see Heechul's reaction, but he's as afraid of what he might sees as Heechul seems to be of everything.
Heechul's manager breaks the silence by finally coming into the room. “Heechul, you two can catch up more later, you have a schedule to get to,” he says.
“Yeah, yeah,” Heechul says with a sigh like his manager was interrupting something.
Gunhee manages to turn around now that the moment is over and gestures towards Heechul. “Can I see your phone?” he asks.
Heechul reaches into his pants pocket and hands it over without a thought. Gunhee quickly adds his number and returns Heechul's phone.
“Call me sometime,” he says, not really expecting that Heechul will but hoping.
Heechul stares at his phone that is displaying 'Gunhee' and a number, running his thumb over the screen contemplatively. He finally looks back up at Gunhee a smiles slightly. “I will,” he promises.
I want somebody who
can make me scream until it's funny
give me a run for my money
I want somebody who can twist me up in knots
I want somebody who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words I want someone
who is not afraid
do you think I am asking too much?
“What kind of person do you like?” Gunhee asks. It's a stupid question and it comes out of nowhere, but they're both a couple beers in already.
“Someone who will put out for me or put me out of my misery,” Heechul says and snorts at his own response.
“Poetic,” Gunhee notes, “I know someone who puts out.”
“I bet you do,” Heechul says, taking a swig of beer.
“It's me,” Gunhee says, pointing to himself.
Heechul barks out a laugh. “You're horrible,” he says, slapping Gunhee's arm.
“I can't believe you are calling me horrible,” Gunhee complains, “You wrote the book on being horrible.”
“Excuse you, it's called being amazing,” Heechul says.
Gunhee snorts. “I guess that could be another word for it.”
Heechul tilts his head. “You think so?”
It sounds like Heechul is asking something more than what he is saying, but Gunhee doesn't know what it is.
“I do,” Gunhee just replies.
And I held you there thinking
I would offer you my pulse
if I thought it would be useful
I would give you my breath
The night before his enlistment, Heechul sneaks out of the dorm and goes to Gunhee's apartment. He doesn't know why, maybe he thought Gunhee would comfort him. But it turns out he isn't much help since he was in the army many years ago and he didn't do public service like Heechul would. So they solve Heechul's problems the old-fashioned way by getting drunk.
It's around one in the morning and Gunhee is asleep. Heechul can't fall asleep still so he lays down next to Gunhee on his bed and stares at the ceiling. Everything seems less overwhelming here in the dark with Gunhee's slight snoring being the only sound.
Heechul turns towards Gunhee and brushes the hair out of his face. He's still surprised at how not scared he is of the wave of affection he feels when he looks at Gunhee. He used to be so scared of love, so scared of letting anyone in again. He would do anything for Gunhee though. Perhaps more importantly, he trusts Gunhee.
Ever since Gunhee came into his life, he's been there for Heechul. And there's something about Gunhee that makes him believe that one day Gunhee won't stop being there. Maybe that's why he wants to give Gunhee everything, because he believes Gunhee would give everything to Heechul too.
I’ll tell you what
there is plenty wrong with you
stuff you'd sooner fight for than cop to
but I think it's just more reason why we are meant to be
and we get this crazy combination
of everything and nothing right
but we are way way way way
way way way way
“You are definitely weirder than me,” Heechul insists.
“Okay, I'm weird,” Gunhee admits, “But you're definitely weirder.”
“I'm not weird at all. It's everyone else that is weird. But you're even weirder than weird.”
“I never kissed another guy in front of hundreds of fans.”
“You would if you were famous.”
“Probably,” Gunhee pauses, “You're still weird though.”
Heechul groans and rolls on top of Gunhee. “You really don't want to fight me on this,” he says with a smirk.
“Who says I'd ever fight you?” Gunhee asks.
“No matter what.”
“We'll see,” Heechul says and leans down to kiss Gunhee.
The kiss isn't anything special, just a press of lips against lips. Heechul stays like that waiting for Gunhee to push him away.
Instead, Gunhee cups Heechul cheek with his hand and kisses back properly.
They have to stop kissing after only a couple seconds because both of them are smiling too much.
It took me a long time to find love
but now I have no doubt
and I never will
that I am meant to be
and it fairly blew my mind
to be so sure
“I can't believe you're putting it on Instagram,” Gunhee whines, rolling over in the bed.
Heechul glances up from where he is tapping away on his phone. “Your dick's hanging out.”
“You've seen it before,” Gunhee says and looks at his phone to see the picture Heechul uploaded.
In Singapore. GunHeeChul
“Already causing trouble after your discharge?” Gunhee asks, smirking at the caption.
“Please, this is me toning it down,” Heechul says, leaning over to kiss Gunhee.
“We look like we're on our honeymoon,” Gunhee says against Heechul's lips.
“This is supposed to be a just-out-of-the-army holiday.”
“I couldn't tell with all the sex we are having.” Heechul says and Gunhee laughs.
don’t mind spilling my hot sauce
onto my white shirt
don’t mind that twinge when I walk
in that knee that I hurt
don’t mind my gums peeling back
or my hair gettin’ thin
long as I’m with you I win
“Are you sure your leg's alright?” Gunhee asks as he finishes Heechul hair before SS5 Tokyo.
“Yeah, it just hurt a bit because I haven't danced in a while. I'll be fine,” Heechul assures.
“Okay...” Gunhee trails off, running his fingers through Heechul's hair more than necessary.
Heechul turns his head to look up at Gunhee. “I have dealt with this leg for a long time. You don't have to worry about me.”
He pulls Gunhee down by his shirt and kisses him and smirks to himself when a couple of the members who were watching the exchange quickly turn away from them.
After the concert, Heechul collapses on the couch backstage. The others laugh about him getting old, but Heechul looks over at Gunhee playing with his phone across the room and smiles to himself.
when we're parted
it's always too long
and every time you come back
you come back so strong
and as soon as we can
we gotta go lie down
in that place
where our breath is one sound
Gunhee groans to himself when his door buzzer goes off and he has to get up from the comfort of his couch.
He is tackled by Heechul as soon as he opens the door.
“Heechul? I thought you weren't supposed to be back until Friday,” Gunhee says, putting his arms around Heechul.
“We finished shooting early for once,” Heechul says.
“How was Thailand?”
“It was fun, but I missed you. I need to hire you to be my sole hairdresser so I can take you everywhere.”
“You already take me around with you ninety percent of the time,” Gunhee points out.
“True,” Heechul says, looking thoughtful, “We'll just have to settle for mind blowing I-missed-you sex.”
Gunhee laughs and the two stumble their way into Gunhee's room.
you're doing your thing
and I am doing mine
more a formality
cuz we can feel we
are of one mind
sheets still warm
around our feet
life comes easy
your sweet company
making it so complete
Heechul slowly opens his eyes to see Gunhee staring back at him.
“What are you doing?” Heechul asks, voice thick with sleep.
“Trying to will myself out of bed,” Gunhee says and yawns.
Don't worry about it. It's Sunday, we have nowhere to be,” Heechul says, kissing Gunhee on the cheek.
“I have to pee,” Gunhee confesses.
Heechul groans and pushes Gunhee off the bed. “There, you're out of bed.”
After Gunhee stumbles to the bathroom, Heechul also gets up to go into the kitchen and start the coffee maker. The cats stalk around his feet, waiting to be fed.
While Heechul opens two cans of cat food and empties it into two bowls, Gunhee comes into the kitchen and gets a cup of coffee.
“Back in the world of the living?” Heechul asks, putting the food bowls on the ground. The cats rush over and start eating.
“After I finish this I will be,” Gunhee says, gesturing to the mug in his hands.
He hands Heechul his own cup and Heechul takes a sip. He winces at the taste and takes the coffee creamer out of the fridge.
“Are we doing anything today?” Heechul asks as he adds the creamer.
“I was thinking we'd start with nothing, then after that we could do nothing, and we'll end the day with nothing,” Gunhee says.
The both laugh a little at themselves. Heechul takes a sip of his now-sweet coffee.
“Better?” Gunhee asks, watching him.
Heechul looks at Gunhee from over the rim of his mug and smiles. “Yeah.”
I will always be your lover
even after our atoms are dispersed
we’ll be pushing up daisies
and my crush will just be getting worse
and I will follow you into the next life
like a dog chasing after a hearse
“That's it,” Heechul announces, shucking off his suit jacket, “I'm not going to any more weddings. I've gone to fourteen in the past three years and now I'm done.”
“I doubt that,” Gunhee says, entering the apartment behind Heechul, “But it should be the last one for a while.”
“Stupid members getting married consecutively and making us fly everywhere,” Heechul mumbles, collapsing on the couch, “Why couldn't Henry get married in Korea, honestly. And Seasoning and Han Geng too for that matter.”
“Why would Han Geng get married in Korea? And Zhou Mi had to get married in Taiwan because they're the only country with gay marriage around here,” Gunhee reminds Heechul.
“So? You didn't see us running to another country to get married,” Heechul complains, taking off the rest of his clothes until he is only in his boxers.
“We never even got married,” Gunhee says with a small laugh. He disappears into the bedroom to get himself and Heechul some more comfortable clothes.
Heechul looks at the ring on his left finger, frowning. “We got rings years ago; we're basically married,” he calls out.
Gunhee reenters the room, now wearing sweats and a t-shirt, and throws Heechul his own clothes. “It's probably for the best we think that otherwise we might get married now when we're pushing fort-”
“Don't say it!” Heechul interrupts, kicking at Gunhee while he puts on his sweats.
Gunhee sits down next to Heechul and roughly helps Heechul put on his shirt.
Heechul grunts at him and fixes his hair that was messed up. “Stop making me angry. I'm trying to be sentimental.”
“I couldn't tell,” Gunhee says.
They scuffle half-heartedly until they are too tired and force both of their bodies to lie fully on the couch.
“I can't believe all the members are married now,” Heechul says finally.
“Time flies,” Gunhee agrees.
“It's not just that it happened so fast though. I used to be so scared of this moment. After everything that happened with Kibum, Youngwoon, and Han Geng I was scared of losing anyone else because it was only after that that I realized how much they all meant to me. But I was so scared of losing them, I ended up shutting them out in the end. And then I met you again and you really helped me open up again. So I guess I just want to say thanks.”
“You don't need to thank me. Maybe I motivated you a bit, but when you stopped being afraid and got close to them again, that was all you.”
Heechul doesn't argue for once. “Either way, for that and for a million other reasons, I love you.”
Gunhee kisses the back of Heechul's neck since it is closest. “I love you too.”
They lay there is silence for a couple minutes.
“We should go to bed,” Gunhee says, “We're too old to be sleeping on the couch the whole night.”
“You have to carry me then,” Heechul says.
“You carry me to the kitchen for coffee in the morning then.”
Heechul sighs. “I guess I will. Pretty sure that's what marriage is all about.”